when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
