At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
