I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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