You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you had me at cake vodka
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize