just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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