I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
