there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
