You just made me feel so damn special
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize