If that was your dad, he is hot
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
