you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
