I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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