Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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