they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
