I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
