You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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