I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
