sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize