By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
