I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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