Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
