I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think I am morally bankrupt
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
