Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
