The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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