we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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