i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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