I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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