Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
