Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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