Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
