all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
