people are starting to question the shark bite story
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
