Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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