its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
