only if we run a train.
done.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
