All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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