Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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