I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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