Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
