the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's the barista slut.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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