Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
