I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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