Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
