I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
