you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
