I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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