the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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