I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
