Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
