I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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