Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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