So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
