yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
