I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I love you. Go after that dick
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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