I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
