Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
