I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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