And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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