Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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