Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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