bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I cut my penus on the lid.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
