Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
