Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I deserve this hangover.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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